Many times I have tried to explain insomnia to people that don’t suffer from it. The answer I seem to get the most is “Just Relax.” This statement drives me crazy!!! Just relax?!?!? Damn, why didn’t I ever think of that?!?! Holy shit, all these years of going days on end without sleep and your telling me all I had to do was just relax. Oh, my god you are my savior.
The next person that tries to tell me to just relax, I would love to spike their drink with Crystal Meth and be like “Oh, JUST RELAX!!!” What’s wrong? Your mind won’t stop racing and your eyes won’t shut?!?! Well, now you know how I feel, and that is without any drugs!!
I’ve swear, I have tried everything, sometimes sleeping pills and other drugs won’t even work. Not to mention, I have had enough problems with addiction, there is no way I plan on getting myself hooked on something else!!. Furthermore, the times that I have taken sleeping pills and had them work, the whole next day, I am in a complete haze. I swear that is worse than not sleeping at all.
I don’t really mind the first day of no sleep, I am completely use to that. It is the second and third day that start to get to me. Insomnia is definitely like a drug by itself. Sometimes, if I am in the mood, I actually try to enjoy it. Sounds funny, I know. Here I am complaining about insomnia and then turn around and tell you I enjoy it! What can I say? I am just trying to be honest with you. Doesn’t mean I will always be rational. In fact, I can assure you, the more you read, the more messed up I will probably sound. Then again, I can’t be the only one….CAN I?!?!?! AHAHAHA
I know some of you are thinking that my insomnia is induced by drugs, but it is the complete opposite. The truth is, one of the main reasons I fell in love with heroin so much was because heroin cured my insomnia and let me be “normal” for once in my life. Well, as close to normal as I can be!!!
When I was young I did do a lot of different drugs, I even drank back then(which, if you have read any of my other posts, you’ll probably know that I absolutely despise alcohol, but that is a whole different topic). I tried just about everything to escape the pain and misery, and I’m not only talking about insomnia. I have a lot of other problems, both physical and mental, insomnia is just one of them. After I discovered heroin, I pretty much quit everything else because I didn’t need any of it!!!! Heroin seemed to be the answer to everything, too bad it is illegal and very expensive, or I would probably still be living a “NORMAL” life today!!!
Methadone has also helped me to sleep. I sleep really good on methadone. The biggest problem though with methadone is, too much sleep!!! On methadone I can sleep 12 to 16 hrs a day, NO PROBLEM!! It makes you a zombie!!! If you think I am exaggerating, then go hang out for a day at a methadone clinic. It is crazy to see the effects of methadone.
Hanging out in the methadone clinic, you’ll see the young kids, they are a little off, but haven’t really been on methadone long enough to see the “Change”. Then there are the people that have been on it a little longer. They can still function, but you can start to notice the difference. Their speech is a little slower and so is the way they walk. Also, they might have a limp or something else wrong with their body.The biggest give away is the fact that they might only be 30 or 40, but look like they are 50 or 60!!! Then there are the people that have been on methadone for years….These people have given up all hope of a regular life. Their speech is completely off and they walk really slow. They literally walk and talk like a zombie!!!
The worst part is, I am on the same path. I have been on methadone for 5yrs now, with no end in sight!!! I have tried time after time to quit, but just can’t seem to make it.
So in my quest for a normal life, once again I have shown that it is always just out of reach for me. I can either sleep my life away and have nothing, or I can stay up for days and go completely mental.