It took me a long time to realize that Junkies are programmed to think completely different than other people. Most people worry about how they are going to pay bills, get to work, and mainly just make it day to day without losing their minds. A Junkies day consists of finding new ways to get money, so they can get high as fast as possible.
The funniest(and saddest) part is, a Junky will tell themselves they aren’t getting high that day and they actually believe it, at least for a while. They have every intention of staying clean, but will look for any excuse to throw that away. Either that or they will convince themselves that they will start getting clean tomorrow.
The tomorrow excuse will be the start of many more excuses. Starting with, “Oh, I just want one more really good high before I quit!” That is the biggest one I can think of. Then it all cascades down from there. If the Junky does actually get really high on what is suppose to be the “LAST TIME”, they start thinking about how great that high was. This usually leads to thinking about going again…Mainly because they want to make sure they don’t miss out on getting really high again. This brings me to the next excuse, “Well, I just messed up, so what is another day. I’ll just make sure to stop tomorrow!” Now, the Junky knows deep down that they are lying to themselves. Unfortunately, when it comes to lying, the person a junky lies to the most is themselves.
Time is a funny thing when it comes to getting high. Say I got high early Saturday and then Sunday I only did a little bit. Well, to a Junky, Sunday doesn’t count. On Monday, the Junky will say, “Hey, I’m doing good, I haven’t been high in two days!” Even if it is Monday morning, it is two days. I mean most of Saturday, all day Sunday(because like I said it doesn’t count) and Monday. You always include the day you got high and the day it is, as long as the day you got high was earlier in the day.
Here is another big one when it comes to Junky Logic. If you take someone downtown and cop for them, then they have to get you something. At least enough to get you high. Now, if you are already going down, they probably will get a pass. Though, if your already going down, you really don’t involve other people, unless they have something to offer or just happen to be on the way. I mean, lets face it, adding someone else to the picture usually means picking them up and then dropping them back off. This can cut into your getting high time, and every junky knows the faster you get there and back, the quicker your getting high. I mean a lot of people will just pull over on the side of the street downtown and get high right there. Though after a couple close calls, most people will wait until they get home or somewhere safe to get high.It’s either close calls or blown out veins and taking forever to hit. Either of these two things will make you wait until you are somewhere you can actually sit back and relax. Missing your shot is almost as bad as dropping it or having the needle pop off the of the rig(if any of you junkies have ever used a blue tip with removable needles, you most likely know what I am talking about)and your whole shot goes all over your arm(or wherever else you hit)and it is gone!!!
The thing is though, if you want someone to get something for you, the first thing you do is offer to drive them, or just try to call in a favor(maybe remind them how many times you have helped them and hope they are already planning on going). Anything to try to get them to get it for you without charging. I’ve seen this go on a countless number of times. Everyone wants people to pay for them, but no one wants to pay for someone else.
Keeping your drug dealer exclusive is the last of these big “Junky Traits”. No one wants anyone else to know their drug dealer. The more dealers you have and the less other people have, means more people coming to you to get their fix. On the flip side, when you are driving people around and they are copping for you, you try to get their dealers numbers as soon as possible. That way you don’t have to rely on them every time you want to get high.
The most important aspect with dealers is product quantity and quality. It is very rare that you find a dealer that is consistent. They are always either running out, or their product just goes up and down. That is why you want many dealers, so you can keep switching. Everyone within your “Junky Horde” calls everyone else to see who has the best stuff and whose stuff has fallen. The worst part about dealers is “Dealer Time”!!! For some reason, every dealer is on a slower schedule than everyone else. If they say that they will be there in 20 minutes, they really mean they will be there in at least 40 minutes!!! Whatever they say, you have to double it. I would say that 3/4 of a Junkies life is spent waiting on dealers. The other 1/4 is spent either getting high or figuring out how to get high.
So, that concludes Junky 101. I hope that you have enjoyed this look into what it means to be a junky!!! I know most people have no clue what it means to have this life and this torment everyday for the rest of your life. I really hope no ever thinks of trying Heroin. The movies glamorize it and make it look like every other drug, but it is far from anything else. Heroin isn’t a drug, it is a WAY OF LIFE!!!! It stays with you, no matter how much time you put between your last high. The success rate for Heroin addicts is the lowest of them all. If any of you ever watch that show INTERVENTION, pay attention to the Heroin Addicts. It is very rare that they actually make it more than 6 months clean. Most of them don’t even make it through the treatment!!!
Most people dream of life on a beautiful Island, with people waiting on them and every need met. Also, when asked if they had three wish’s, most people ask for money or women or something they think will better their lives. Junky’s think completely different.
A junky only has one thing one their mind. Ask me what my heart desires and even if I am straight, I will say heroin. I could care less where I am or what I am doing. My second answer, is to have thick flowing veins, so I can make sure to be able to do all my Heroin.
I have quit a million times and am currently sober, but give me free heroin and that status will quickly change. Every time I have quit, it was because of money, too high a habit or bad product. Even collapsed blown out veins and an arm that is totally ruined didn’t give me the incentive to stop. This may be shocking to hear, and if you ask most junky’s, they will deny that they want to keep using.
Honestly though, a junky’s life is a life of deception. It’s not because we want to lie, it’s because heroin has such a bad stigma attached to it, that we are forced to lie. I see it all the time, every junky, even me, is so programed to “act” like they want to quit, that is all they talk about. If you actually pay attention to an addict though, they talk so much about quitting, they actually believe it, but believing it and doing it are completely different. Junkies say over and over, I’m quitting, but they continue to get high day in and day out.
Most of the times I quit, it was just so I could bring my habit down. I have actually been in rehab, telling the counselors “I don’t plan on quitting, I just want to be able to afford getting high.”
The funny thing is, the counselors are so programed to get people through rehab, that they are just glad that you are there. They figure, if you are there long enough, they can reprogram you and you’ll never do drugs again. I’ve actually seen this work, and believe me, if it is what you truly want, then I am completely supportive. People definitely get out of hand with drugs, and they will destroy their lives, mine included.
The thing most people and counselors don’t realize, or don’t seem to understand, is that heroin isn’t a drug, it is a life. Once you have been down that road, the road back is long and very painful. Relapsing is just part of the addiction. If you have had a habit and gotten clean, without relapse, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. I have never experience it, but it might exist.
Every time I write one of these blogs, I feel I need to stress the fact that I am the biggest hypocrite you’ll will ever meet. I’ve had people ask me to get them high and I absolutely refuse!!! There is no way I am putting their soul on my shoulders!!! If you have never done dope and are thinking about it, don’t!!! It will be the biggest mistake you ever make.
Well, once again, I have completely gotten off topic. My main point is, every time I watch a show or movie about wish’s I think, I would wish for unlimited dope and nice veins. I know I should think, I wish for this habit to be gone, but that thought wouldn’t even come into play and if it did, I would dismiss it quickly. I know it seems right to most rational people, but a junky is not rational.
Basically, I want to be rich and famous, just like everyone else. Unfortunately, I want to be rich so I can afford more dope, not so I can have a nice life. Most junky’s will tell you “If I was rich, I would leave this life and be happy,” but that is a lie. The worst part is, it is a lie even the junky believes.
If I had a million dollars today, I would be buying heroin as soon as the check cleared. Hell with my junky mind, I could probably get it before the check cleared!!!
The one thing that has always been there for me is Heroin. I started dabbling with it when I was 17, then pretty much quit for about 5yrs., after I move to the beach. Then I moved back to the D.C. area I got re-acquainted with it really quick, and have been in love ever since.
I’ve lost many friends, and had my heart broken over and over, but heroin(except when I’m broke or sick) has been there to help pull me through it all. That is what always makes it so hard to quit. It’s like breaking up with someone that you know you can always go back to.
I can’t even count the number of people that have tried to get me to quit, mostly through guilt. Knowing in my heart the whole time I had no intentions of quitting. Of coarse, I would try to get clean. I’ve been through so many different treatment, and no of them worked. I mean how could it? Sobriety is something you have to want, not something you are forced to do!!
I mean there were a couple of times that I put myself in treatment. Don’t get me wrong though, it wasn’t to get clean. For the most part it was because my habit was getting too expensive and I had to cut back, so I would go into treatment. I would get clean and start all over again. Sound crazy? Well, not to me!! I have never been able to picture a life without heroin. I have never wanted to be completely clean. It just makes my life totally worthless!!
In 2007, my life took a horrible turn. I lost my job, because my boss wanted to build a house for his sister. The whole job was a nightmare and we ended up losing our steady jobs. Of coarse after that happened, who is going to hire a person with an addiction. Even though getting high only effected my working abilities once, finding a job is almost impossible. I could of tried to keep it secret, but having to wear long sleeve shirts in the summer is a dead give away. Not to mention, I am horrible when it comes to finding work. Most of the jobs I have had have been given to me. Which explains why I have an Associates Degree in computer technology, but I am a really good Carpenter. Finding work for me is really hard, but I will say that once I start a job, I usually am one of the top workers, no matter what the job is. I have no problem picking up a broom and doing work most people would consider remedial. My philosophy is the work has to be done and someone has to do it, so instead of complaining, just get it done!!! I try to never say no when it comes to people asking me to work. No matter how difficult it is. I have always loved to learn, most people are stuck in their ways and think they know what is right. My attitude is, I can always learn something new, even if it is someone not as experienced, there is always something they might do differently. I would say it is one of my strongest qualities. That and loyalty
So after that happened I couldn’t afford to support my habit anymore. I had no choice but to start back on methadone, I haven’t worked since. There are the occasional days that I am able to get high. On these days, I can accomplish everything.
I have spent the last 4 months weening myself off of the methadone, I am now down to 5mg!!! I am coming off 1mg every week, and believe me, I feel every MG. To me it is worth it. I still find myself messing around though, even though it is not at all on a schedule or planned, I manage to indulge in heroin about once or twice a month, if that. I have just realized that America will never start a Heroin Assisted Treatment Program and the only way I can stay off of methadone, is to stay away from everything. I mean, the whole process of getting high, from waiting around, to getting bad stuff, to dealing with the police is just not worth the happiness I experience when I get high. I just have to except that I am never going to be able to achieve that happiness again. The only alternative, is to move to a country which has these programs. I have even had counselors tell me that I need to do this.
It took me a long time to realize that the majority of people have no understanding of drugs. Trying to explain that my life would be 100% better if I could be medical administered heroin, just sounds crazy to most people. The honest and most sobering realization that I have had, was the fact that people would rather see me miserable and completely useless, rather than happy and on heroin. I realize the whole concept is one that sounds to most people like an excuse, but in my case it is the truth.
The truth of the matter is(and I am not bragging), that I never was a bad person on heroin. I know the stereo-type about junkies is that they can’t be trusted and they have lost all their morals. This simply is the opposite with me, heroin actually let me be a better person. I worked hard for my habit!! I opened up more and even found a closer relationship with God. It made me realize that I didn’t need other drugs(especially Alcohol, which by the way is ten times worse and I despise) because I was content with life and finally normal for once in my life.
Since I have been weening off of methadone and not really getting high at all, I have noticed a big difference. I no longer go to church every Sunday, I no longer care as much about myself. I guess it is just something I have to get use to and except. Because, believe me, I want (for once in a very long time) to be free. If someone asks me to go somewhere, I want the option to go. I haven’t left the D.C. area in over a decade!! So I guess the bottom line is… this time, I am not only quitting so I can get high again, this time I am just plain quitting!!!
Boarded up buildings plague these streets
Old crackhouses have been put to sleep
Girls on the corner pulling their tricks
Junkies come and go looking for a fix
One block gets busted they move to the next
Pushing their shit thinking they have the best
Police on your ass and as your copping more shit
You’d rarther be dead then in jail fucking sick
The lucky ones die, cause the hell never ends
You lose all you have, you lose all your friends
Even if your clean, people can seem to forgive
Sobriety makes eveyday much harder to live
Chorus: Junkies all once had normal lives
Addicted, too many reasons why
No more pain,just shame and misery
No hope, no life, friends or family
You’ve got to push on no matter how bad
Anything is better than the life you had
Clean for a while and the pain’s here to stay
The hell never ends and the regrets don’t fade
Boredem sets in with only one cure in sight
Building back trust is an everyday fight
Temptations of life get harder to face
You finally give in to that warm embrace
You took me back an I tried to kick
But it all just turned to lies
Months went by, I even got stabbed
But you stood right by my side
Everyday I wanted to quit
It turned into a life of lies
I lost control, I couldn’t kick
Even though I tried and tried
Then you found out and it got worse
We both started living the lie
Sharing a life that destroyed us both
Our relationship couldn’t survive
I made a choice before time ran out
I left so you could have a life
I straighten out and changed my ways
Everyday became a fight
I understand that it’s hard for you
To trust me in any way
I need a place in your heart
My love is here to stay
Have I lost it,is it gone
Where the hell did I go wrong?
How could I let it get me again?
Not quit dead, but facing the end
It’s been a long time
I’m always losing my mind
Craving addiction once more
It’s time to kick this shit
Pick myself up off the floor
Getting nothing done and I feel no pain
It happens so slow didn’t notice the change
Trying so hard, it’s been so long
Got to get back to where I belong
I can’t create without the pain
Everyday goes by exactly the same
Nothing is different when you just need a fix
Just making your money so you don’t get sick
Just got off an 8 month binge
3 to 5 days of being sick again
Once again I have lost my mind
I’ve gone nowhere, just wasting more time
Paradise in hell has trapped my fate
Once your caught there is no escape
How can hell feel so great?
Your only immune if you can’t relate
One things addict always forget
Is the pain they indured before
Right when you think you’ve kicked
Your right back down for more
Time flies by when your getting high
Nothing gets accomplished and you wonder why
I Started to need $150 a day
Doing anything to avoid the pain
Well, it’s March 8, 2012. If you would have asked me last November what my future had in store, I would say Death. For the last 4 1/2 yrs. I have been slowly dying on methadone, with no hope or will to survive. I was sleeping my life away and the methadone was consuming my soul.I had no inspiration and no drive to stop the process, I was content to die!
Back in August of 2011 one of my friends loaned me his VCR with a VHS to DVD converter, I started watching old videos of me playing live with my old band and decided to start uploading videos to the internet. It was a slow process, but I started to get the hang of it.
It was both a happy and sad time, I was so happy to finally digitize my old videos, but unfortunately watching these videos brought back memories of my best friend, Darrell. He was the guitarist/singer/bassist that I was in so many bands with. I also played guitar/bass and sang(not mention almost every other instrument except horns), but unfortunately in August of 97’ he died.And I was the last person with him. The detective told me that he had done so many different drugs that nothing would have saved him! Although I was with him, I had no idea(nor did the other people that he was around getting drugs with) what else he was doing or had done. It’s been so long and I still miss him everyday.
So after loading a couple videos, I was hoping to digitize my other music. I’ve been wanting to do this for years, I’ve had countless people tell me they had the right stuff to do it, but none of them ever came through. It finally happened when one of my elementary school friends, that I got back in touch with on facebook after 25yrs. offered to loan me a analog to digital converter. I was ecstatic, though I don’t like borrowing things from people because something bad always happens to them. So I started looking into getting my own interface. I had tried a few things on my old computer, but without the interface, it sounded horrible. It finally happened and I sat down in one day and just learned everything about how to do the conversions. I’ve now come to realize you just have to start working on these things and not get frustrated with all the trial and error.My biggest problem is that I want to do everything in one day. I was at it for 10hrs straight, I had deleted and started over or messed up and lost stuff countless times.I almost gave up(at least for that day), but I pushed through and accomplished it. I think that was the end of November, and ever since I’ve been on a mad tear.
I started learning how to make videos with my music and the lyrics. I would come home from going to the clinic at 6am. If I didn’t pass out right then, I would stay up and make a video. It took a while, but I got the hang of it. I was happy for a while, A feeling I thought was gone forever.
Then by some miracle, I decided to start detoxing off of the meth. It had been so long, that I thought my life was over. I had tried it a million times, but every time I got down to about 18mg, I would mess up and have to go right back up.I wasn’t on a very high dose, only 36mg, but it was enough to keep me hooked forever, so it seemed. I’m still not off, but at this time, I am down to 9mg and fighting every mg tooth and nail!! I don’t really sleep anymore, but I would rather not sleep, than sleep my life away!!
Well I guess to understand the last five yearsof my life, I should go back a to where it all started. Most of my life has been plagued by drugs and mental instability. From a young age(13) I sought out an escape. By 15, I was sent to a rehab, even though I only drank and smoked weed. This taught me how to do bigger and better drugs, my parents biggest regret to this day was listening to other people’s advice and sending me to rehab.
After rehab, I had a mental breakdown(while sober I must add) and was sent to the psych ward. Though I must say, it was more like a resort than a hospital, but I digress. Most of my teenage and adult years were spent living a roller-coaster life. I’m not really bi-polar, bi-polar to me would be a step down. I have more of an extreme personality, in every aspect of my life. I’m either on top or on bottom, there is never a in between for me.
Even though I learned early on that I might think I’m suicidal, there is no way I would ever be able to do it, and talking about it or acting on it only ends you up in places, I for one never wanted to go to again. So I focused all my attention on the three things I loved the most, music, art and writing(mostly poetry, but I have started a few books and then lost them). I just learned to deal with all the other parts of my mental state. The depression, the insomnia(from my mind racing a million miles an hour and never stopping), and all the other ups and downs of my life.
Eventually, I ended up in Va. Beach and started in computer technology, school was always boring and easy to me(which is why I got kicked out in 11th grade and got my G.E.D), everyone told me I should go into computers, because I could make a lot of money. The only problem was, I learned quickly that I didn’t like that environment, but I did get really good grades. Not to mention all my focus was on my music, art and poetry.
So after finishing school and years of various drugs and drinking(which by the way I hate alcohol, but that is a completely different story all together) I found this miracle drug heroin. It was the answer to everything(so it seemed). I had dabbled with it years before and loved it, but never got as involved as I would.
I moved back to the D.C. area and quickly formed a couple bands with two former band mates. The band started progressing pretty quickly, I got a loan and built a studio in my basement and was doing really good. The band had a few set backs, like the guitarist/singer broke his arm, but I would just switch back and forth from bass to guitar(I was mainly a guitarist, but I loved playing the bass). We were only a three piece band and we switched back and forth between guitar and bass. I had a two piece band in Va Beach, just me and a drummer. I had written a bunch of songs with many different styles, I have always loved every kind of music(except country).
After my guitarist’s arm heal we were full throttle, getting gigs, making demos and just trying to make it full speed. After a while, the band broke up for some stupid reason, but we were all pretty close. Within that same year things got really bad for my guitarist and he ended up dying. This completely destroyed me. I was already getting more and more into the heroin and less into my creativity. I ended up selling most of my equipment.
I guess at this point I should mention that I never did anything with my degree, I worked a lot of construction jobs here and there with different friends, but like I said my mood swings and insomnia kept me from being a productive member of society(for many years I longed to be normal and live a normal life). Before the heroin, my working skills were horrible, but I always thought of it this way, I worked night and day on my creative outlets and even though I might not make any money now, one day after I die, someone is going to get rich.
As my heroin use progressed and my music equipment shrank, I realized I needed to work more to support my habit. I was never a good criminal, so I knew that was never an option. I just threw myself into work full time as a carpenter(even though I’m an only child I had a real close friend that I consider his whole family, my family and they were all master carpenters). I pretty much always had a job whenever I wanted it.
Maybe now you can kind of get a picture of where I am going with this. even though my creative outlets were gone, the heroin allowed me to go to sleep at a descent hour and wake up really early, for once in my life I was considered a productive part of society.
After a few years of heroin use, everyone was on my case to quit, I tried everything, but knew down deep inside that I didn’t want to quit. I always said that I would never go on methadone, but after falling deeply in love with this one girl, I gave in and started a methadone program.
Once on methadone, I stopped working. Something about methadone just doesn’t work for me. I know a few people it has worked for, but for the most part, it just makes people zombies!!! After a while, I lost my girlfriend and decided to go back on heroin.
I called up my old boss(more like brother) and he gave me some work. This was early 2003. Everything was great for about 4 years. I went from making $12 an hr to $17 an hr with a year. He would trust me most of the time to run things if he wasn’t there. There was even a few people that worked with us that had more experience, but he knew I learned quicker and was a lot more loyal.
Everything was great, even though I hadn’t done anything creative, I was finally a “normal” person. Most people didn’t even know I had an addiction. In the 4 years I worked there, I only missed one day, when my dealer at the time ran out and I couldn’t go to work sick. I was the first one there and the last to leave. Life couldn’t get any better in my opinion. I loved working and I loved heroin. Also, people had finally excepted the fact that I wasn’t going to quit and if they didn’t, I didn’t need them anyways(in my opinion), the people that truly loved me, understood.
In late 2006, my boss made a decision that would change me forever. His sister needed a house built an he decided to build it. We had enough people working with us, that he figured he could split us up into two crews. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out like planned and we lost our steady job. Though it didn’t matter at the time, because we had work.
Well, his sisters house turned out to be a nightmare. One problem after the other. By Feb. of 2007, everything fell apart and I ended up back on methadone. I just couldn’t afford my habit anymore, I tried selling dope, but that was even more of a mistake, I just wasn’t cut out to be a drug dealer. You can’t do the drugs you are selling, it just doesn’t work.
Before I went back on methadone, I had a real problem. I got some dope with some bad cut and it just about took off all the skin on my right arm. Luckily, I’m left handed though. As it healed my arm locked up and I haven’t been able to straighten it out since. My wrist is permanently bent over, if I want to straighten my hand, I have to pull it up.
I went to the hospital and $10,000 later it is still messed up. They told me they wanted to cut it off, but I told them as long as I can move my fingers, it is STAYING!!! The doctor asked me “even if it means you will die?” and I boldly told her “YES”!!!
Since I couldn’t work anymore, I got back on methadone and it has been complete hell ever since. My breathing got so bad, I would almost collapse just going down 5 stairs!!!I haven’t really worked a day since I started the methadone. Except the occasional times when someone offered to buy me dope for work. If I had dope, I could still work pretty good. Even with my arm messed up, by biggest problem is my breathing. Luckily heroin suppresses your breathing and work was easy. Unfortunately, no one wants to hire someone as messed up as me. Even if they did, the methadone has messed me up so bad, I wouldn’t be able to do it
I literally was preparing to die!!! I thought my time here was going to end real soon. I was sleeping 12-18 hrs a day. In fact, the only time I left my house was to go to the methadone clinic and then I came right back home. The weeks turned into months and then into years. Before I knew it 4 1/2 years had passed and I was at deaths door, with no hope in sight!!!
It’s strange how quickly you can lose everything and not even care, I was feeling so useless that I greeted death with open arms. I almost welcomed it. Anything to relieve me from the boring worthless life I was living!!!
In Dec. of 2011, I was watching the new karate kid, I know, it sounds funny, but there is one part of the movie where Jackie Chan says “You’ve taught me that life can knock you down, but you can choose to get back up.” For some reason that line stuck with me. I decided right then and there to get off of methadone. I haven’t left the D.C. area(well except to go to Baltimore for dope) since 1999, I went to the beach with my girlfriend at the time.Believe me, I brought a lot of dope and was still sick on the way home. The only other time I left was to go to Western Maryland for my Aunts funeral, once again, I brought plenty of dope, even though I was only gone for a day. The day I was watching the new Karate Kid, it dawned on me, I want to be free!! I can’t even count the times someone has asked me to go to the beach or something and I didn’t even think about it. I had excepted my fate. Then one line in a movie changed everything. I went in an told my counselor, I wanted to get off of methadone. I knew from past experiences it would be a long process, but when I started back at the clinic I told her I want to get off of this quick, I want to be out of here in a couple of months…Here it is 4 1/2 years later and I’m still not off. In Dec. I started coming down 2mg a week. It’s been going pretty good.Now I’m down to 9mg, but I had to cut back to 1mg a week, and I’m fighting it the whole way. Now that I am down so low, I can feel each milligram, but I am going to push on. In Jan., the best thing that could have happened to me, did!! I got a new computer. I haven’t stopped since. I don’t even watch TV anymore, if I am awake, I am on this computer. It started out with my music, first I tried out Fl Studio, the demo version does everything but record(which I can export into a free program). Then I wanted to just practice playing my bass and guitar(Even though my arm is messed up and I can’t hold a pick, I still have my fingers and I always dropped picks back when I could hold one so I got use to playing without one.)so I started looking into getting an interface for my computer. I did some wheeling and dealing and got one(I found a place that took small payments-Thank you sweetwater).I haven’t stopped since. Next came my artwork, I was looking at all my sketchbook, and thought I need to get these uploaded. I went online and boom, wallmart had one for $25. I was so excited. So I started looking into photoshop, the best part about most programs is they’ll give you a free trial(I’ve gone through 4 different music programs) and a lot of them have have similar freeware, that is so awesome. Because, I haven’t worked in 4 1/2 yrs. Then one day, I was thinking, maybe I’ll just scan my poetry books, I have about 6 of them. Then it came to me, there has to be a site somewhere for poetry. Sure enough, all poetry.com was right there. A while back,in 2010, I started copying my poems onto a disk so I could have them. All I had to do was cut and paste. I uploaded 33 poems in one day. While I was doing that it dawned on me,I have 9 chapters of a book I was writing back in 2010(but it didn’t go very far) about addiction. I knew I was dying and thought if i write a book about why addiction is what it is and the things that can be done, maybe after I am gone, someone else will be helped and can avoid this pain. So here it is March, I started making new music, new writings(including this), and new artwork, I absolutely love photoshop. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about learning how to do videos on my computer screen with a hypercam. That made my new music not only audible, but visible too. Add in a couple photoshopped pictures and I’m going somewhere. This whole digital thing is absolutely awesome to me, I can’t get enough, I want to learn everything. I even started dabbling in moving logos and 3D animation, but that is a whole new project that will take a lot of time to learn. I even made my own website. It took about three days to get right(12hrs straight each day), I must of changed it a hundred times already. I just can’t believe it’s only been 2 1/2 months and I’ve accomplished more in that little time frame than I have in 15yrs.!! The sky is the limit and I plan on climbing to the top!!